Why I want to get married again?

Well I know this is a long one but in all fairness it has been almost 4 years in the making....

Now hang on, before you guys go ahead and judge me and start calling me names, the title really should read: " Why I want to get married to Saba again?" better? :-)

I've been meaning to document the circumstances surrounding our wedding day which are well known to everyone for it was a day after mohtarma Benazir Bhutto decided to get shot and the city was burning, and I took the bold, some say stupid decision to not call off the wedding and still go to Saba's place to bring her back. We ended up back at my place eating khichdi on the same night at 7pm, which has to be one of the earliest wedding ceremonies in Karachi ever!

Thinking about it again, I should've seen it coming, I mean I had all the signs. In Oct 07, I went to Khi for some so called shopping, and Bibi decided to end her self imposed exile and come back to Karachi, we all know what happend there. The whole city shutdown after that and since it was eid as well, I got a grand total of 1 day to do some shopping. The second sign was when I went to give the order for my sherwani, I think sometime before the Oct trip. We went into a shop on Tariq Road and went downstairs, They guy was taking my measurements when all of a sudden all of the shop keepers started to act funny, when I enquired he put a finger to his lip and somehow told me that the shop was being robbed above. Thankfully the robbers decided not to come downstairs but when we eventually made it back upstairs, one of the clients had lost all their money as they had come to make a final payment for one of the suits they had ordered. A sign? not really right?

That December back in '07 was going to be special. I had spent a year saving up for my wedding managing 3 committees simultaneously in order to have enough to pull off a decent wedding ceremony. This does not include the careful accummulation of funds, my mom was pulling off at her end to do her best for her soon to be bahu. In her mind this was going to be the best ever wedding for her one and only son with suhag puras and all, I don't even know what that is.....anyways, there were going to be all of 7 weddings in my family that December, not to mention 2 of my close friends also deciding to tie the knot right after me. Imagine what a feat it was within the family to come up with unique dates for all the myriad of events that go towards making a "perfect wedding". 

 

Technically, Saba and I had been married on Dec 28th 2006 when we signed our papers but the rukhsati had been set for the same date next year, so Dec 28th, 2007 was the designated day. In that sense, we had set our date first and therefore avoided the ensuing arguments that were to take place between so many of my relatives to get the dates that suited them best. Not to say that attempts weren't made to move us from our chosen one as well, with accusations of "nazar lagana" starting to fly left right and center, it was all quite amusing up till then. Saba and I got married in stages, my friends used to say, I did it on purpose in order to prolong the experience, but sadly the climax turned out to be a party pooper leaving a very bad taste in the mouth.

The first step was the baat pakki back in March 2004, small affair with my parents and myself going over to her place and officially asking for her hand, the second step was a "small" engagement ceremony in December of that same year. This was the closest to the most 'complete' event of our entire extended wedding as it was attended by almost all my friends and family at PIA garden in Karachi, though Saba would have a different take on that as well :). The next step was the nikah in Dec 2006 at her place again and the final steps were supposed to be the wedding and the valima in Dec 2007.

 

As it turned out I was at a friend's place practing dance steps on "beedi jalayi le" for his mehndi when I heard that bibi had been shot. It didn't sink in at first, I just said screw it and lets keep practising. Slowly but surely the realization that the scene outside was getting bad started to creep in and then we started making some phone calls. Saba used to live really closeby and she told me that she had been on Tariq road when the news hit and how everyone had a made a mad dash for safety, the scenes were quite dramatic and she told me she didn't think anything nice was going to come out of it. She was scared and I could feel it but for some reason I was steadfast and became more and more adamant that the rukhsati was going to take place the next day no matter what. I waited it out at my frined's place for a while longer and then made my way to saba's place, where the decorations from her mayun were still up and she was sitting on her sofa in her yellow dress, head draped with her orange dupatta, melancholic, reflecting on what was to be. My saas was also putting up a brave front but I could sense her disappointment as well.

The family had pulled off 5 weddings prior to ours and the general sentiment was "why now?", "why us?" I tried to console, I tried to give everyone a sense of purpose and kept on repeating that we'll see how thing sto develop and will take a call in the morning. I somehow made it back to my place that night, which in retrospect was probably not the wisest or safest of moves but I had to get back if I was to come to pick her up the next day.

The morning brought with it fresh perspective and with very little speculation, I just started like a parrot. The wedding was going to be today come what may and I started getting everyone ready. I made a few calls to my friends to tell them to stay away, and it was going to be my trusted Cuore that would double up as my friend's accord and act as the rukhsati car. A very dear cousin of mine joined me in this foray into the burning tyre jungle and we set off as best we could as a baraat. During the whole time, I did feel as if my determination was what was holding this whole thing together, and some part inside me was wondering, should I have pushed for it or held back? maybe we should have postponed? but I couldn't let the negative thoughts enter my mind I had to stay positive.

We reached Saba's place and inside the house everything felt normal, whoever could make it from nearby did and it helped that Saba's family lived in the same building. So I had my sherwani dressing scene and wore my turban. Saba was dolled up by my little sis who did a great job, and she took her place beside me. We had our amateur photo sessions and had homemade food before the elders decided that we should leave before darkness falls, so we left just around maghrib in a cuore and a baleno with me driving the cuore and tailing the baleno ahead at breakneck speed to avoid any mobs and get back home safely.

Back home at 7pm after the Rukhsati!

  

The event itslef would have been more memorable for the right reasons had some relatives not decided to indulge in a traditional spat, but these things are unavoidable, however, because of it my only enduring memory from the rukhsati is the sight of my mother crying and all the other upset faces around. That was probably the first moment where I felt that I had done the wrong thing, I had made the wrong decision. In my haste, and selfishness, and naievety, I thought I was doing the right thing, and instead of postponing the whole thing, I went for a patched up event which left me with nothing but regrets.

Everyone had been looking forward to this day, Saba, her mother, her sister, my mother, my sisters, not to mention myself. Saba wanted to look her best, get her hair and makeup done well from a pro, my saali wanted to dress up in the suit she got made specially for the day, my mother wanted her bride to look the best amongst the others in the family and the list goes on. What did I want, I just wanted for the guy who attended every Tom, Dick and Harry's wedding over the past 7 years and brought it to life, to have his own wedding attended by all his dear friends, of which he had many (wry smile). 

Again, it would've been still chalked up to "one of those days" in the grand scheme of things, if it ended there, but it didn't. Now there was still the small case of my valima to be done, and now with the tensions in the city easing up a bit, the other 2 friends of mine still had their functions on time leaving me with absolutely no dates in between, not to mention that no wedding gardens were taking any new bookings as they were trying to sort out their messes with the back logs. We decided to put up a tent near my place on a vacant ground, so we found a wedding guy who does the decorations and the food and everything and gave him the contract. I pissed off one of my friends as my valima clashed with his wedding and so once again the full complement of my friends didn't make it to my valima as they got split between attending his or mine, and since mine was all the way in Gulshan, safety issues came in to play, but never mind, the ones who mattered showed up. But it wasn't going to be easy. On the morning of January 4th, the night of my valima, I went to the ground around 11 am to see if the work had started, it hadn't. By noon we had a couple of trucks show up with some chairs and bamboo sticks. My heart started beating again as atleast there was some action, however, it still felt a bit slow for my liking. So I called up the guy who was supposed to be in charge. No answer. After trying incessantly for a while, I went to his office at around 1:30 where I promptly got to know from one of his coworkers that they guy's father had passed away in the wee hours of that morning. I knew how Aladdin feels on his flying carpet at that time becasue it was getting a bit woozy......From that moment onwards, started the mad dash to get everything coordinated by myself. I tried to get as many contacts out of his coworkers as possible and started to call them one by one, the flowers, guy, the sofa guy, the lights man, the generator team, the waiters and so on. By 9pm (the official time for the guests to arrive) the tent had just gone up and the waiters were putting the final touches to the tables, there was still no light coz the generator team had lost their way and the electricity in my mohalla went off. I parked my Cuore up at the entrance and cranked up the headlights to full beam which made a tiny difference and worked as fast with the workers as possible.

In the end it looked as magical as it could, what with no light tower for good photographs, Saba not entirley satisfied with her hair, the sofas having exposed borders and a wobbly stage. We got through it but is that how it was supposed to be?

4 amazing years on and thats the only regret I have, for not holding out, for not having chosen to wait. Maybe I still have time to make amends, to give Saba that great event, one day IA.

Honey, Why do you love me?

Innocent question, but when asked by your wife with next to no notice or warning, there's a likelihood that you'll be caught off gaurd!

                                             

Be very careful when answering this seemingly innocuous question, asked with a very cute expression on her face in order to disarm you, because the way you answer this question will determine the general mood for the next few hours, whether you get lucky that night, whether you get breakfast the next morning, whether you get more than a grunt as a reply for the following week, and it may just have an impact on the rest of your married life! Heavy isn't it? so be very sure, take your time, be cute, use evasive actions if you have to, like asking her the question back, to which you will most often get the reply of "I asked you first" but still do it anyway on the off chance that she takes the bait and goes off on a diatribe of why she loves you. However, this tactic is a double edged sword because at the end of her monologue if she still remembers to say "your turn" you not only have to answer the question still, but you have to out do her reasons for loving you for her to be truly satisfied.

One fine day, you'll be sitting on the couch watching tennis on mute and having a "quality" conversation with your wife, and you'll  be talking about friends, and bitching about relatives and how we'll handle the month's budget and then suddenly out of nowhere, it'll come, the dreaded question, honey, why do you love me? Now you know you love her, and you probably do for all the right reasons, god save you if you don't love her, but no matter how good an orator or writer you are, you'll be stumped when asked, to come up with a genuine, from the heart answer on the spot. So like I said above, you try and evade, the first thing you say as soon as you hear it is "where did that come from?" oh and smile, for god's sake smile when you say this, don't forget the cute expression, she'll say it was just a random thought. Trust me it wasn't. She probably was talking to a friend earlier that day and they would've discussed this already and she would've heard her friend's fantasy story of how her husband still loves her the way he did before marriage, and your wife would've sold her a similar if not better story. But now she wants to confirm how much she oversold you, how deep in the water she really is, hence the surprise question.

So after the first cute question and the attempt to ask the question back, if she’s still at it, then try the stupid, “you come up with the strangest questions” statement. Now that one’s supposed to signal the end of the conversation, and as soon as you say that you need to go back to the tennis or the newspaper or book or whatever, but in all probability, she’ll still be there and she’ll switch off the TV or snatch the newspaper out of your hand, lock eyes, and hit you with it again, “Why do you still Love me?” Now, since the eyes have been locked, there’s no getting away, now you do have to come up with something, word of advice though, it has to be genuine, it has to be from the heart, most of all it has to be true.

Stumped? Don’t be just tell her, that in your eye she’s still as beautiful as she was when you first met, you still love her because living with her has turned out to be everything you had hoped for and much much more. That you would not have it any other way, and would not want to wake up next to anyone else every morning. You love her because she wakes up in the morning when she doesn’t have to and makes you breakfast, she drops you to work, she cleans up after you, she takes care of you when you fall ill, she sits through stupid action movies coz you like them, she skips shopping coz you want to go home and watch the football match or you’re just plain tired, she actually watches the cricket/football with you coz she doesn’t want to miss out on time with you, she cooks for you and most of all coz she loves you back and accepts you the way you are with all your faults and vices!

So next time, be prepared J

In the Blink of an Eye!

In the blink of an eye, thats all it took, that's all it takes. Saba was in Karachi and I was back in Dubai after a short 2 week break, at home watching TV, maybe it was the IPL, when I got a call from Imran, who told me about Mianreza's passing. At first I think I was too stunned, too shocked to think or process what I had just heard. When you don't believe what you've just heard, you start quizzing the bearer of the news for more info, in a lame attempt to somehow make the story untrue, 'what? where? when? how did it happen? Mianreza, are you sure?' How can someone like him die? Is that even allowed? and just like that, he was no more.

Mianreza and I studied at the same University and then ended up in the same company. I worked at P&G for 3 years, out of which 2 years were spent working on the same team as Mianreza. It was during this time that I got to know him a bit, because to really know Mianreza, you needed to have the same amount of boundless and limitless energy that he had, which I believe is not possible for us mere mortals. 

All my memories of him are happy ones, whether it was working on a project, or coming together outside work which was very often during that time. Working on the skits we put together for our GM's farewell or dancing with him at dholkis and mehndis, or just hanging out at his place playing X-Box, I don't recall a single time where I didn't feel elated or full of life while or after having met him. 

Though I've had next to no contact with him for the past 3 years, I am somehow unable to come to grips with his loss, it still haunts me, and I keep getting flashes of his ever smiling face in front of my eyes. I can't get over how perfect he was, a constant source of fun, happiness, and encouragement. Being away from Pakistan meant that I could not take part in his last rites, and I still don't feel the closure, I still can't fill the emptiness left by his sudden and tragic departure. For some reason I couldn't even pick up the phone and call a mutual friend to share the grief, didn't know what to say, didn't know what to think. All I can muster up is reading a few verses for him from the koran, and somehow keep blessing him so that I pay him back for all the good that he spread while he was here. 

Mianreza, a good friend, a compassionate colleague, an understanding manager, a great man, a complete man, I miss you. May Allah shower his blessings upon your soul and grant you a place reserved for the best amongst us, may he grant the strength to your family and close friends to bear such an irreplaceable loss, for if I can't come to grips with your passing, I shudder to think how your family must be feeling. 

When they're taken away so young, thats when its the most sad because you think of the potential he had to bring so many more smiles to so many more faces. Though I don't understand it now, and probably never will, and I know I'm not supposed to think like this, but I still reserve the right to say that its Unfair and that this world is definitely a sadder place without him.

Mianreza, you will live forever in our memories!

LEAVE MY COUNTRY ALONE!!!

This is an article I wrote back in 2007 just after the conclusion of the Lal Masjid debacle. Consider it a test blog as I enter the sphere of self expression!!! I know its long, but its liberating :-)

LEAVE MY COUNTRY ALONE!!! – by Sheikh Adil Hussain

I am shamed at the state of affairs of my beloved country today as it lies in wake of yet another suicide attack. Yet I can’t help but wonder that a far greater foe than just the extremist militants are posing a threat to Pakistan, and that foe is sadly from within.

Pakistan’s politics has followed a cycle ever since the country’s inception. A democratic government beginning to handle the country’s affairs, an ambitious young politician gets visions of ascending to the throne and starts plotting against the ruling government. This leads to unrest being created in the country often leading to military intervention or the government being dissolved by the president for fresh elections. If a military ruler takes on the premiership, the rule usually lasts close to a decade and then falls prey to another ambitious politician. And so the story repeats itself ever since the Quaid-e-Azam became the first leader of the nation.

Since Musharraf’s government came into power in October 99, it has been beset with one gigantic challenge after another. You may argue that this is true for any government taking up office for the first time, however, one look at the list of challenges faced by the present government, and anyone would agree that these surely have been out of the norm, and even if they don’t, the sheer relentless and continuous nature of them should be in consensus.

No head of state has ever had to fight on so many fronts or face so many crises both personal and national and yet come out with the country’s pride intact:

• inheriting an almost bankrupt and failing state
• bringing some semblance of hope and order to the running of the country’s affairs
• 9/11 2001
• The fall out of 9/11 and becoming a front line state in the war on terror
• 2 assassination attempts
• a devastating earthquake
• the chief justice’s suspension
• the red mosque situation
• the fall out from the red mosque operation
• the politician’s constantly conspiring against him

And all of a sudden, the so called politicians of our country have started hailing “true democracy” as a panacea of all ills, doling out statements like “the red mosque crisis would never have happened had there been a true democracy running affairs”, “the chief justice would never have been suspended had a true democracy been at the helm”, “the common man would not be dying if true democracy was leading the country”, “the country needs leadership and only true democracy can deliver”.

Have these people got amnesia, or are they just plain stupid? Do they even know the meaning of a “true democracy”? How can we have true democracy in Pakistan when hundreds of thousands of people vote because their feudal lord “asks” them to cast their vote and for whom. Is this the opinion of the masses? Most of these people are illiterate and cannot even read the mandates of various parties, most of them don’t have time or access to TV sets so that they see or listen to what these politicians have to promise, frankly they don’t give a damn as long as they get their two square meals a day, which is a luxury for most of them by the way. So how can we ever have a “true democracy” in our country where half of them don’t know what it means and the other half don’t bother. We as a nation need a kick on our back sides and constant supervision to work, that’s just the way it is, mind you, once we put our minds to it we work as hard and as smart as anyone else in the world, but today, as a nation we lack the discipline to do that continuously on our own. We need the strong face of leadership, someone who can keep his calm when all hell breaks loose around him, for me that someone is Musharraf for the foreseeable future.  

It would be the saddest day in Pakistan’s history if either one of Nawaz Sharif or Benazir Bhutto became Prime Minister again. Why are we even contemplating them? Why is our media even talking to them? Haven’t we had enough of them? When both of them were leading the nation in “true democracies” throughout the late 80s and most of the 90s, did we not see enough blood shed in Karachi? Were we not conned enough by schemes such as the yellow cab? Didn’t true democracy lead us to near bankruptcy in 98? Didn’t a true democracy support the Taliban government in Afghanistan during its nascent stage? How can we forget so quickly? Why don’t both of these personalities realize that they had their chance, twice, each of them to suck our national coffers dry, why do they want to return again? What makes them think they can do a better job now? More importantly, what makes them think anyone wants them back except for their own party goons, hired hands and their brain washed villagers? My conscience makes me stop just short of asking God for their death, but I have a strong belief that if Nawaz Sharif, Benazir Bhutto, Fazlur Rehman and Qazi Hussain Ahmed were to be locked away some place far far away and the keys thrown away, Pakistan would be a much better place to live in. If these people have the interests of their country at heart, which they so vehemently claim they do, then why do they repeatedly call people to take to the streets? Do they not know that gathering people on the streets has only led to loss of lives and property? As soon as we have a crowd on the streets, all it takes is one hired hand to fire a single gun shot and all hell breaks loose. This too is the doing of these parties themselves so that they create a situation of unrest, thereby building a base for mounting opposition against the ruling government. If they truly cared about the people’s well being they would not ask them to come out on the streets and would pursue their cause without causing agitation and in a peaceful manner.

Why is the current setup not good enough for Pakistan? Take away 9/11 and this government would have done wonders for the country. True they keep blowing their own trumpets on the fantastic, and they are outstanding, macro economic indicators, truth is, they now need to focus on improving the distribution of the record wealth being created. As long as the divide between the rich and poor keeps increasing, no government can hope for strong public support, but my point is to give them a chance. They started something good, let them complete it. Again, the patriot in me stops me from wanting Musharraf to form a true dictatorship and end this sham of a parliament and politicians parading around as if they really care. But I know that’s not the solution, however, in order to achieve the results and ultimately reach to a stage where the people can responsibly elect true leaders, and when we have leaders capable of electing, then and only then should we revert to a “true democracy”.

This brings me to the role our media is playing in portraying Pakistan’s image as it is today in the eyes of the world. I’m very sad to say that our media has done nothing but bring despair to our country men and tarnish Pakistan’s image beyond repair abroad. I have no qualms in naming the Geo network as a prime culprit in this and will go on to accuse Kamran Khan and Hamid Mir for spreading terror on their own account in the hearts and minds of the Pakistani people. The media in any country has a huge responsibility for it holds the power to sway the moods of the people. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one for seeing the world through rose tinted glasses, or for hiding the truth, but a little common sense and balance in our reporting is what is required. I strongly disagree with the claim by Geo news that they present a fair and balanced view to the public, that is not true. Is it not their responsibility as a powerful national medium to safeguard the public’s interest and the nation’s morale? Do they really have to show body parts and blood baths again and again, isn’t once enough? Do they have to be excited about being the first to bring bad news to the people?

Please stop sensationalizing your reports, and trim your coverage to somehow minimize the damage caused by these unfortunate events. Tone down your presentation styles, I mean sitting here in the Gulf and watching Kamran Khan, it just seems like Pakistan is on the brink of collapse, they paint such an appalling and depressing picture, that you think there’s no hope left. No wonder Pakistani expats never want to return to their homeland, and more and more people want to leave Pakistan. I spent 8 years in Karachi from Oct 98 to 2006 and I never once thought this was an unsafe place to live, however, ever since I’ve moved back to the UAE, all I see is carnage and keep calling back home to check if everyone’s fine. When I was in Karachi, there were my fair share of bomb blasts and strikes and disturbances but you never thought the city was on the verge of anarchy or anything like that. So please Geo news, control your selves.

Another reason why I think the media is not living up to their role is the way they interview the self proclaimed saviors of our country. I’ve seen numerous interviews our celebrity broadcasters have taken and not once have I heard them asking the questions that need to be asked. Isn’t it commonsense, or is it only I who remembers that the nation was no better when we had the so called “true democracies” in charge? Why don’t they ask them to answer to the nation why their governments got dismissed on corruption charges? Why are there numerous cases of varying degrees of atrocities filed against them in the courts? Are all these cases wrong? Is there no truth to any of them? There has to be some truth to the old saying that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. I would ask these self proclaimed leaders to explain in detail what they would have done differently in the same situations faced by Musharraf? How would they rectify their mistakes? Do they think they have repented for the gross crimes that they committed against the nation when they were in power? Were they not responsible for unemployment, inflation, low forex reserves, poverty? All the broadcasters keep asking about is the opinions of these self proclaimed leaders about the current affairs and the handling of the government of the prevailing situations. Obviously they’re going to speak against the government and spread more poison against them. Why are they not asked to come back to the country and fight for what they think is so crucial to our country’s survival and our people’s salvation? Nelson Mandela spent 28 years in jail for his cause, these so called leaders can not even spend 28 hours in jail for the love of their country. IS that not evident?

Moving on to another important problem plaguing Pakistan of late, the suspension of the Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudhry. What’s so different about Nawaz Sharif trying to change Chiefs of Army Staff because he felt threatened vs. Musharraf changing the Chief Justice? I am not trying to justify abuse of power, but does Nawaz sharif forget that he used the office to forward his personal goals and influence doing exactly the same thing? And who is Iftikhar Chaudhry? Is it not plain to see that the political parties are funding this man’s so called crusade across the country in yet another attempt to destabilize the government? Who was this man? Did anyone even know his name before this whole episode? How has he suddenly gained so much popularity that the “nation” is behind him and supporting him to the hilt? Isn’t it obvious that the lawyer community is being egged on and that the rallies are being filled by paid crowds? What does the common man stand to gain by supporting this man. It pains me to see that something so obvious is not being reported on by the media. The opposition is looking for any event to politicize and use it as an excuse to plot the government’s downfall. The red mosque situation is another prime example. Why can’t the media do a special report on how much money is being spent on the ARD’s meetings in London and the massive rallies of one Iftikhar Chaudhry when that money can be spent for the welfare of the cyclone victims? Why are such expensive meetings being arranged in London, just because one man cannot come to Pakistan? Why does Iftikhar Chaudhry not realize that his rallies are only leaving a bloody trail and nothing else? If he has the welfare of the people at heart, why does he not sit at home? Why don’t all of us see this?

Alas, as a true and loyal Pakistani citizen, I implore, nay, I beg Messers Nawaz Sharif, Maulana Fazlur Rehman, Qazi Hussain Ahmed and Madam Benazir Bhutto to please leave MY country alone!!!